Suppose you have a dear friend who is stressing himself (or her) out completely. Something needs to change for him or he will destroy himself eventually. You, as a friend, obviously only want the very best for him.

What is the best way to actually help him? From an outside perspective it is easy to assume what kind of help he needs. What works for you, though, does not have to work for someone else, however pure your intentions are.

We do believe that it will work for others too however, because for ourselves it is so obvious. We try and convince the other person of our view, because that “works” after all and could work for him too. “If only he would understand my view” we say!

Eventually be frustrated and stressed yourself, for all your “helping” efforts are gone to waste.

A peaceful alternative

There is a much more effective and peaceful way to deal with “help” and that is to lead by example. If your method is so “superior”, then why not show the world how great it is? If it truly is, it will sell itself; people around you will pick up on it and incorporate that into their lives.

This alternative is more effective because you let go of your desire to help. You just live your life, knowing that you are doing the best you can. Knowing that forcing your opinion on others is not effective and often has the opposite effect.

It doesn’t mean you should not talk about your method at all. Sometimes people will come to you and ask you what works for you and how they can make it work for them selves. The difference here is that you are asked for help.

Also, leading by example makes you think twice about what you are doing. What I am doing now, is it really this best I can do? Is it genuinely what I would recommend to my friends?

I have learnt the most from people who offer their help, but don’t impose it on you. You automatically have deep respect for them, because they hold so much wisdom, yet the don’t imprint you with it. They let you be.

Are you ready to lead by example?

What ways of offering help work for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below or on our Facebook page. I’m curious to your story!